One of those days!

Ok, am I having a pitty party? Mad at the world? Depressed? Losing Faith?
I don't know, seems like all of the above. I know there is a GOD! And I know we are not supposed to ask why. I had a very good childhood. I was raised by two wonderful people. God took my dad in January 1999 at the age of 57.(he turned 57 on the 8th and died on the 13th) My son was 6 months old. My life has went down hill since. Then my grandmother in 2001/2002. Then my husband went "postal" he is wanted for kidnapping, attempted rape, assult with a deadly weapon and who knows what else. Completely out of the blue. This happened in April of 2004. Our son was 5. We still don't know if he is dead or alive. His family has NOTHING to do with us. How can you disown a helpless grandchild? Yeah, his family was/is disfunctional but still. Can't ever have him declaired dead as he is "running from the law". Which brings me to money.. chuckle, chuckle.. My son and I just cant seem to get along. He wants something all the time. I had to put him in private school. I feel lost. I really don't want to go on, but I know I have to. I have been so strong over the years but I really feel like I am going down. I am not asking for pitty, but if someone out there has any answers, suggestions and yes prayers, I would greatly appreaciate them. Please. I hurt so bad inside. And I know there are other people, children that are in worse conditions than me. But right now, I feel so alone.
From my heart,
Charlene